The following list is by no means extensive.
It should be used more as an overall guide with rather loose generalisations aimed at the kind of person who is willing to put themselves through the ordeal, but might not necessarily have thought it through properly.
It is also presented in no particular order:
1 - Take lots of bottled water.
2 - Get a window seat or a bed or both. This is essential, as the floor is very uncomfortable and the air very stale.
3 - Eat the onboard food. It is great. You are offered curries and tea/coffee every five minutes and the quality rivals most London Indian restarants, but costs pennies.
4 - Bring fruit. Bananas, lots of. Not necessarily to eat, but as a useful distraction to the hundreds of children that will relentlessly pull on your trouserlegs throughout your journey.
5 - At least one book is required. You will be doing a lot of reading. Perhaps a guidebook of your destination would be useful.
6 - Charge your Ipod. I didn't. Shit one.
7 - Everytime you begin to feel uncomfortable or realise how much the coach you are in smells of urine, take a valium. It will smooth off the edges nicely.
8 - Lean out of the open train door as far as you can when it is moving at full speed. The sensation is incredible, especially after a valium. (Note: Be careful which side you choose, as oncoming trains can approach very fast and pass dangerously close.)
9 - If you have access to alcohol bring some. It mixes with the valium beautifully, taking the already smoothed edges and blurring them a little. Scotch seems to work the best.
10 - If someone tells them you are in their seat, smile and shrug. Invariably they will be trying it on.
11 - If the person who has just told you that you are in their seat then reappears with their ticket and an inspector, smile, shrug and search out another place to sit. There will be others, and undoubtedly other ticket inspectors, but you can delay the inevitibility of sitting on the floor by moving seats constantly and switching shirts and hats.
12 - If you cannot find a seat near a window, sit near a fan. This can often be a better alternative, as when the train stops at a station, often for considerable periods of time, the carriage turns into an stagnant oven and the fans are the only source of cool, moving air.
13 - Do not expect to get any sleep. You may be able to drink or drug yourself unconscious, but even then, you will not feel rested upon arrival.
15 - Keep lots of small change handy. The tea and coffee they serve is very good, but costs the equivilent of 10rupees. They will look at you with contempt, and may not even serve you, if you try and buy one with a 500rupee note.
16 - Accept that it smells and there is nothing you can do about it. Apprently scientific studies on slaughterhouse workers have shown that it is possible to "phase out" the smell of rotting horse-flesh within half an hour. This is a useful statistic to conentrate on as you attempt to supress any dry-heaving or gagging reflexes you may be having.
17 - Look out of the window a lot. The scenery is variable but always stunning. Also, if the horse-flesh tip isn't working, concentrating on the horizon might work instead.
18 - If you befriend any Australians on board, be very cautious about taking their advice, or indeed following them off the train before your intended destinatation.
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